Nobody can ever promise you an easy life, especially when it comes to the emotional rollercoaster of grief. Navigating the deep, murky feelings of grief can often feel quite overwhelming and like a never-ending circle. Although when it comes to dealing with grief, there is no one proven solution for everyone, understanding the various stages of grief can be incredibly helpful and arm you with the tools for facing it.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross was the one who initially identified the five phases of grieving, in 1969. These are: denial > anger > bargaining > depression > acceptance. These stages do not always come in the same order and they do not even have to be experienced in a certain way. Everyone’s experience with grieving is unique and what’s true for one person may not be true for another.
Accepting denial
Denial is frequently the first thing that happens after receiving news of a traumatic event. It is a natural instinct to try to avoid reality by denying the event ever happened. Denial aids in coping with the overwhelming emotions and feelings triggered by the loss. The truth can be too overwhelming to bear, so shutting off from reality is occasionally important for our own protection. However, it is important to bear in mind that denial is a temporary solution and the sooner we accept the reality of our loss, the sooner we will be able to move on and heal.
Feeling the pain of anger
Anger is a biological response to grief and affects us on both conscious and unconscious levels. It can manifest as anger directed towards the deceased, or towards society, or even towards yourself. Finding appropriate ways to express grief is crucial even if it is a normal and expected feeling. Expressing our anger can help us to process the emotions associated and help us to heal.
Bargaining our way out of depression
Although it is not always an explicit stage of grief, many people find themselves bargaining their way out of depression. Being essentially regretful, we look for something to blame. We can often struggle with self-blame and guilt as we grapple with the unfairness of our loss.
The “dark night” of depression
Depression is a very typical feeling when someone is grieving. Grief is as much a physical pain as it is an emotional one, and it is important to recognize when we may be struggle coping. It is perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed and heavy-hearted in the face of loss, and while it is sometimes difficult to accept, depression is a natural and necessary part of grief.
Emerging into acceptance
The last – and arguably the most difficult! – stage of grief is acceptance. Despite the inability to control our emotions, accepting the reality and finding peace amidst the sadness and pain is the ultimate aim. But acceptance does not mean we forget or even move on from the person we lost quite yet. It means allowing them to exist in our lives in a new way, and taking solace in the fond memories we shared.
Grief can sometimes feel like an endless cycle, but with a little self-care and Denver therapists guidance, you can eventually learn to embrace the fond memories and spirit of the person you lost and find a new way to exist and heal.
